Changes Read online

  “I bet you can’t wait!”

  “You’ve no idea,” I replied, draining the last of the wine from my glass, “Shall we order another?”

  Kat shook her head,

  “I’d better not, I’ve got Matt’s parents coming round for dinner tonight and it’s probably not a good idea to trying to serve up a three course meal to the future in-laws ,drunk as a skunk.”

  I agreed, before calling the waiter over to pay the bill.

  Once outside the bar, although the day was still as grey as before, it didn’t seem so depressing anymore, as we hugged, Kat looked steadily at me,

  “Look, why don’t you give that guy a call? You never know, he might be a really nice guy with his clothes on.”

  After agreeing to think about it, we said our goodbyes and I headed for home feeling so much brighter than earlier, aside from the simple pleasure of spending time with a great friend, being reminded of my daughter coming home had truly lifted my flagging spirits and maybe Kat was right about Jay, so I quickened my pace, hoping I could still find his card when I got home.

  After a ridiculous amount of hesitation, I finally called his number, at first, he sounded genuinely surprised to hear from me, but when I casually suggested perhaps meeting again some time, he quickly insisted we get together as soon as possible. On hearing this, part of me wanted to play hard-to-get, by pretending I had a busy life and ‘would have to get back to him’, but the more sensible side, quickly reminded me, we’d already had sex , so there was no point attempting to appear aloof now. So when he persisted, explaining a friend had recommended a little Italian place just outside of town, I accepted the invitation to dinner for the following evening.

  “I’ll pick you up at 7.00, then?” he asked.

  “I’ll look forward to it,” I answered, immediately realising I was telling the truth.

  “Great, I’ll see you then.”

  As soon as our conversation ended, I texted Kat, within moments, her response came back, full of praise for my having taken the chance, but adding a strongly-worded suggestion, I should try being, as she put it, ‘a bit more lady-like.’ I laughed, replying with an allegedly-innocent enquiry as to how she would know what ‘lady-like’ was, her answer was a sarcastic,

  “Ha Ha .”

  I spent the rest of the day tidying the house, paying particular attention to Lainie’s room, it had remained virtually untouched since the day she had left, but as I dusted round her bookshelves, I decided ,after all, perhaps it needed a bit of a facelift before she came home.

  I was still considering how to achieve a new look, when I arrived at work the following morning. As I walked through the doors, the familiar wave of dread hit me, the prospect of yet another eight hours in this place was never anything other than depressing. Despite numerous attempts at escaping, the employment market was flat and so, any hope of finding a new job seemed futile, every day, I seemed to be applying for something only to receive no response or a polite ‘not at this time’ letter. I trudged to the locker room, desperately trying not to succumb to the urge to turn and run out the doors, throwing my uniform to one side while screaming manically.

  As usual, the morning dragged along with every hour seeming to last, at least a day, so when lunch-time finally arrived, I could barely contain my relief at being able to grab my bag and head to the staff canteen. As usual, the long table in the centre of the room was dominated by Phil Weeks and his friends, almost before I had entered, I’d heard his booming voice followed by raucous laughter, I sighed, as I knew how this precious hour of freedom from my desk would be spent, on seeing me, Phil yelled across the room,

  “Alright Carrie? You don’t want food, I’ve got something you’d like much better in your mouth !” he patted his crotch and all his friends roared their approval. I opted to try and ignore him and turned my attention to Daniel behind the counter,

  “Are you alright today?” I asked.

  He smiled, his bright blue eyes twinkling,

  “I’m good thank you, that lot are a bit rowdy today,” he indicated towards Phil, “If it gets too much, just give me the nod, OK?” he replied firmly.

  “I can handle them, but thank you,” I replied gratefully, taking my tray and walking towards my favourite table in the corner, I was almost there, when I felt two hands grab my shoulders then spin me round, causing everything on my tray to wobble slightly, it was Phil. Our faces were so close, his dark eyes seemed to be penetrating my own, I could smell the distinct aroma of garlic as his hot breath burnt my cheek,

  “I spoke to you,” he snarled.

  “No, you yelled at me....not the same thing, now, if you don’t mind...” I replied, looking at his hand still gripping my shoulder, then back at him,

  “As it happens, I do fucking mind, since when have you been so fussy about who gets to touch you?”

  I leant forward until my lips were only fractionally away from his ear,

  “Since I let you touch me and it made me feel physically sick,” I whispered, I pulled back, his black eyebrows were now furrowed and a look of pure hatred seemed to dominate his face. He dropped his hands,

  “Fucking bitch,” he snapped, before turning away to go back to his table, I glanced at his waiting friends, most of whom seemed quite bemused, a fact Phil must have seen, as he swaggered back to them,

  “Had a closer look and her tits aren’t big enough!” he yelled, this remark broke their mood and they all bayed with laughter, as Phil retook his place, one of the others held up a newspaper with a topless model pictured on it,

  “You need a pair like these, mate!”

  Once more they all roared their agreement, but as I walked away, I noticed Phil was still looking at me, undeniably his anger had not passed. I settled at my table and opened a discarded magazine, which offered me a welcome diversion. As I casually flipped the pages , every one seemed to be dominated by a headline about someone either revealing their new love, their battle with either alcohol or drugs or, their new movie. On closer inspection, it seemed very few of the stories were actually interviews with those concerned, instead each began with explaining ‘a source close to the star said’, it made me question whether the writer of the piece had ever met the person they were writing about at all. After finishing a particularly lurid tale about a young actress allegedly being involved in a ‘shocking’ threesome, I turned over only to see Vanessa's photograph dominating the page, just seeing her face made me sit back in my seat. It seemed a lifetime ago we’d met, yet, in reality it was less than a year, I sat almost trance-like as I remembered every word we spoke and every emotion she inspired, what it had been like to touch her and to feel her touch me. I was so lost in this thought, in the end, I was sure I could almost feel her cool hands on my body and her generous mouth caressing mine, the feelings were so intense, I suddenly realised I was becoming aroused which rapidly snapped me back into reality. I quickly glanced around the canteen,but,thankfully, no-one seemed to be paying me any attention. I took a long drink from my Coke, trying to regain some control, before looking back at the magazine, attempting to focus on the words rather than the picture.

  As before, there was a great deal of ‘a source’ mentioned, this made me smile, as it was completely impossible Marcella Forbes, Vanessa's formidable assistant, had given even the slightest piece of information about her to anyone. However, one sentence did make me take note, it seemed Vanessa's relationship with Ryan James was believed to be more serious, I looked at the photograph of the two of them, it was the same man she had been pictured with before, with his long , black hair dark and his eyes seemingly permanently hidden behind sunglasses, there was definitely something truly mysterious ,almost wild about him, so it was not difficult to see the appeal. As I read on, his band was due to tour the U.K. soon and it was expected she would be joining him, as she had recently finished shooting her latest movie. I rested back in my seat, she would be back in the country again, as I began to half daydream about somehow engineering a way of
getting to see her, I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, glancing up, I saw Daniel,

  “Have you seen the time, Carrie?” he asked quietly, I shook my head, still a bit lost in my own thoughts, he smiled and showed me his watch, for a moment, it meant nothing to me, but when the time registered, I suddenly sat bolt upright, Daniel laughed,

  “Yep, lunch finished ten minutes ago, so wherever you were , it was obviously too good to leave in a hurry.”

  I felt myself blush slightly,

  “It was,” I replied, “ So thanks for waking me up,” I added gratefully, rising from the table, Daniel passed me my bag,

  “No problem, you get back, I’ll clear this lot,” he offered generously, pointing towards my tray, I thanked him and headed out of the now-deserted canteen. As I checked out my reflection before returning to work, I did momentarily question why I had ended my relationship with Daniel, after all, he was a great person, but at the time, I believed we wanted different things.Although he must have been hurt, when I’d told him, it seemed my honesty had fortunately managed to salvage our friendship . As I returned to my desk, I couldn’t help but smile at the sheer absurdity of my having wondered about being able to see Vanessa again , after all, it had been pure chance we had met in the first place, but despite this reality check, it was a nice thought.

  After enduring a particularly-dull afternoon, I quickly raced home to start getting ready for my dinner with Jay, as I showered and preened, I felt like a teenager preparing for a first date, a heady mix of slight nerves mingled with excitement. I was almost ready when there was a knock at the door , I glanced at the clock, exactly 7.00 p.m., after one last look in the mirror, I took a deep breath before turning the handle. The door swung open to reveal Jay standing there, dressed almost entirely in black, his shirt unbuttoned slightly revealing the dark, curly hair of his chest, I could just see the thin gold chain glistening around his neck. His long legs encased in ink-black denim, with just the very points of his leather boots showing at the hem.

  “Good evening,” he said, “You look lovely.”

  I smiled my thanks, while trying desperately to fight the urge to suggest we forget about dinner and just invite him to bed, but , just in time, Kat's words about being ‘lady-like' resurfaced,

  “Shall we go?” I suggested brightly, Jay offered me his arm and after carefully closing the door, we walked out to his car. As he drove, we chatted, as he spoke, I looked at him more closely , there was no question, he was a very handsome guy, he had a more than a hint of something dark, almost mysterious about him. All this, along with his extraordinary eyes,more than once I had to force myself to concentrate on the conversation as I was in danger of getting lost in them completely. By the time we pulled into the car park, I had all but decided this whole lady-like thing was going to be almost impossible.

  “I haven’t been here before,” he explained, “But the guy who recommended it, said good things.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine, after all, it’s not the place ,it’s the company that makes a good evening,” I replied.

  He smiled, offered me his arm again and we walked into the restaurant, where we were greeted by a young waitress who confirmed the booking and led us to a table in the corner. The place was small, but tastefully furnished, with plenty of room between the tables,whitewashed archways divided the space, the air was scented with a range of delicious aromas emanating from a kitchen somewhere and a young man played a piano in another corner. The whole atmosphere was undeniably romantic without being too obvious, I looked at Jay, he was clearly relieved by what he was seeing and sat down opposite me,

  “Great place, isn’t it?” he said.

  “It’s really lovely,” I answered, the waitress reappeared with menus and, after ordering wine, we started to attempt to make a choice for dinner, as everything sounded completely delicious.

  Once the decision had been made, Jay poured us both another glass,

  “So, tell me about yourself..” he said, settling back into his chair while looking at me steadily, I always hated this question, as I was never been convinced I could rustle up a genuinely interesting response. But when he persisted, I started to talk a little about Lainie , how boring my job was and I was hoping to find a new career path sooner rather than later. While I spoke, he nodded, as if everything I said was the most fascinating thing he had ever heard, even if it wasn’t true. When I finished, I turned the conversation to him,

  “So what about you?”

  He started to talk about the various places he had visited, but for some reason, it suddenly struck me he might be married, after all, here we were, in an out-of the-way place, so when he paused, I took my chance to ask. He shook his head,

  “I was, but we’ve been divorced for almost seven years now, just didn’t work out,” he explained, “At first, we couldn’t stand being in the same room, but we’re over it now, so if we do meet, we can be civil...which is better than nothing, I suppose.”

  The tone of his voice dropped slightly, I had clearly hit a nerve and however unintentional, I did feel decidedly uncomfortable,

  “I shouldn’t have asked , I’m sorry.”

  Jay looked up at me and smiled again,

  “No need to apologise, you didn’t want to be out with a married guy, I respect that,” he answered firmly.

  “Just for the record, I’m not married either,” I added, as if to make a point somehow, he smiled,

  “I guessed.”

  “How?”

  “When I was in your bathroom, no guy stuff,” he grinned. I gasped in mock horror,

  “You checked out my bathroom !”

  He laughed,

  “Hey, I didn’t want you taking advantage of me!”

  I laughed and we both visibly relaxed, at that moment, the waitress appeared and placed two delicious plates of food before us on the table, I was just about to start when I thought heard a familiar voice from another table. I looked round only to see Kat sitting across the room, she was chatting to a waiter while he poured some wine. I was just about to attract her attention, when another man approached the table, as I expected to see Matt, I was totally taken aback by recognising Karl, the guy from the bar. As I watched, he sat down opposite her, reached across the table and gently took her hand , my focus was interrupted by Jay’s concerned voice,

  “Are you alright?”

  I turned back sharply,

  “I’m sorry, I thought I saw someone I knew,” I gabbled, desperately trying to make sense of what I just witnessed. Jay looked at me, for a moment, obviously slightly unconvinced,

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely,” I replied, consciously forcing every thought about Kat out of my mind until some later time, “Let’s eat, this looks amazing.”

  After the meal, Jay insisted on taking care of the bill despite my protestations, as he felt he had invited me for dinner so therefore he should pay, I accepted this logic on the basis, when I invited him, he would have to allow me the same privilege, he smiled,

  “ You're planning on seeing me again, excellent."

  “Of course, I’ve had a lovely evening, but I have to make sure this wasn’t just a one off,” I teased, “So it only makes sense to go out again to prove it, one way or the other.”

  Jay stroked his chin thoughtfully,

  “I see, well, I’ll bear the fact I’m on probation in mind, when I take you home, after all, I wouldn’t want to behave improperly.”

  “I appreciate your consideration,” I answered politely, refusing to be drawn, he grinned and started to move,

  “Shall we go? “

  I nodded and picked my bag up from under the table, I quickly glanced towards the table where Kat and Karl had been sitting, but they were gone, I was relieved, after all, I had no idea what to say to her and I didn’t want any kind of scene in front of Jay.

  When we pulled up outside my house, he switched off the ignition and looked directly at me, his eyes seemed to be filled with the light from th
e streetlamp outside the car which made them even more magical.

  “So, bearing in mind I’m on my best behaviour, I assume kissing you goodnight would be completely inappropriate,” he said quietly, at that moment, my whole mind was filled with the raw desire just to feel his lips on mine, but I managed to retain a calm exterior which betrayed none of the emotions raging underneath,

  “I suppose a kiss would be alright,” I began, ”As long as a degree of control was maintained.”

  Jay smiled broadly,

  “I understand.”

  He leant forward, touching my cheek with his hand,

  “Something like this, maybe...”

  Almost as soon as his lips brushed mine, my tongue slipped between them to meet his, they circled each other in some kind of balletic embrace, it felt so good, but not enough, I pulled him closer to me, slipping my hand inside his shirt through the dark hair on his chest. I could feel his heart quicken as our kisses became deeper and more passionate, all I could think about was how much I wanted him, whether it was in the house or right now, in this car,

  “Let’s get inside,” he whispered.

  Within seconds, we were in my bedroom, ripping the clothes off each other, before he pushed me back on to my bed, he straddled me and started massaging my full breasts, before falling on them with his rampant tongue. I reached down and pulled off my soaked panties and arched my back, almost instantly he was inside me, pushing harder and harder, while still feeding on my eager body. I slid my thighs up round his thrusting torso until I could clamp my ankles together across his back, making it possible for him to push in even further, I felt him gasp as he reached into the very darkest recess of me. The surge of animalistic pleasure was overwhelming, I bit and sucked at every part of his body, my ravenous mouth could reach, there were no words, raw instinct had completely taken over both of us and there was no turning back. We clawed, bit and scratched until we both came with such violent force, when it passed, we collapsed in a sweating tangle of exhausted limbs, it felt like my ribs could barely contain my pounding heart. For several minutes, we lay side by side, saying nothing, the only audible sound being the mutual need for air, finally, Jay rolled over to face me. He gently pushed a stray lock of hair out of my eyes, before leaning forward to gently kiss me,