The Last Day Read online

  “Come on Cal, can’t you go any faster?” I sounded slightly impatient but somehow kind as well, which is what I wanted because I knew I could probably still be heard.

  “I’m coming as fast as I can,” he replied, his voice very muffled behind the box. After what felt like an hour, he finally reached me, sighed heavily and passed me the box. His cherubic face was quite red with all the exertion and concentration, he looked up at me, his huge eyes seeming almost solemn,

  “Be careful with it,” he said, “It’s a surprise for Mummy.”

  “Why should I carry it?” I snapped back, thrusting the box back into his arms, “It’s yours, what even is it?”

  As soon as the words shot out of my mouth, I wanted to haul them back in again as I saw his bottom lip tremble,

  “It’s a dream house,” he said quietly, he carefully turned it around until I could see three carefully drawn windows, he pointed at the middle one,

  “This is your room.”

  I felt awful, I always did when I was mean or sharp with him, so I quickly changed mood, the last thing I needed right now was to make him cry. I looked back up at those clouds, they were even darker and I was sure I felt a raindrop hit my cheek.

  “Can you tell me about it when we get on the bus? We really have to get moving now, Cal, or we are going to miss it.”

  After quickly buttoning his jacket, I took his tiny hand in mine and while trying to carry the box, along with my own school bag, we headed out of the school and on to the road. The wind almost knocked me back as we turned the corner, I felt him hold tighter, I knew he could well be finding even moving hard, but we had to get there. As we half-ran towards the bus stop, I heard an all too familiar rumble behind us and there it was, our bus, I looked up and there were two women waiting,

  “Put your hand out one of you, stop the bus,” I muttered before turning to look at my little brother,

  “We are going to have to run now, Cal.”

  My voice seemed barely audible over the noise of the traffic, I knew he replied but I couldn’t hear him, so I just pulled his arm a little closer to mine. I looked up again, the bus was at the stop,

  “Please Cal, hurry.”

  I saw the first woman get on board, but the second had at least three bags of shopping, even from a short distance, it was obvious she was struggling, so we could still make it. Somehow this thought gave me some kind of boost and it felt like we were almost flying down the street, I saw her get on the bus and we were only a few metres away now,

  “We are going to be alright, Cal,” I called back cheerily, but then, I felt his hand slip out of mine, I looked back, he had stopped and was now crouching down over his shoe,

  “What the hell are you doing?” I yelled, hardly able to believe what I was seeing,

  “My shoelace came undone,” he called back, “If I don’t tie it up, I’ll fall down.”

  I glanced up at the bus driver, through the window, I could see he was watching me, drumming his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel.

  I knew he was going to drive away any moment, so without really thinking, I grabbed Cal and just threw him on to the bus, closely followed by the box, my bag and then me,

  “Sorry,” I said quietly, as I showed the driver our tickets, he sighed heavily and said nothing, so I nudged Cal to walk down the bus and find us a seat. After a bit of a struggle to get him sat down, his laces tied, I sat down myself and carefully put his box on my lap.

  “I thought we were going to miss it,” I said as much to myself as to him, my relief almost palpable, but Cal was scowling,

  “What’s up with you?” I asked.

  “You hurt me, I think you broke my riblet,” he replied grumpily, rubbing his chest, “You didn’t have to throw me on the bus.”

  He turned angrily away from me and was obviously sulking, I could see his pouty reflection in the window glass. I wanted to rant at him, I wanted to ask why he had thought stopping to tie up his stupid laces was a good idea when we were about to miss the bus, I wanted to force him to look out of the window, which was now splattered with huge raindrops and point out, his dream house would now be a soggy mess. But I didn’t say any of those things instead I apologised,

  “I just didn’t want to miss the bus, Cal,” I added, “Now are you going to tell me about this house?”

  “No,” he said without looking at me. I wasn’t quite sure what to do until I remembered I hadn’t eaten all my lunch at school, I’d saved my chocolate biscuit for the bus home, so I rummaged through my bag and after only a few seconds, triumphantly pulled out the delicious treat. I looked at the back of his head, his blonde curly hair slightly damp from the rain,

  “Well that is a shame,” I began slyly, “It would have been lovely to have shared my chocolate with you while I heard about the house..”

  I noticed him shift slightly,

  “Oh well, I will just have to eat it all myself.”

  I began slowly unwrapping the silver foil,

  “Oh this is going to taste so good,” I continued, “It would be even better if I was hearing about a dream house while I was eating it.”

  Cal turned around and instantly his eyes hungrily fixed on the chocolate, without saying anything, I carefully broke the biscuit in two pieces and gave him one.

  “So, this house?” I asked again, he looked up at me and I could see he knew what I’d done, but obviously the delicious mouthful he was enjoying overcame his need to sulk anymore, so he began to explain every detail between each bite. By the time I’d heard about all the rooms with their car-shaped beds and TVs that covered the whole wall, the bus reached our stop and, after thanking the driver again, who still said nothing, we struggled off and watched it drive away. I was relieved the rain seemed to have stopped, so there was no real rush to walk up the long, winding lane to our house, which was just as well, as Cal jumped into every single puddle along the way. I couldn’t explain it, but even though I was now feeling so weary it was hard to put one foot in front of the other, I couldn’t help but smile at the joy in his face. Our house was in darkness, as always, when we got home from school,

  “Is Mummy going to be home soon?” Cal asked as I searched for my keys in the recesses of my bag,

  “She’s at work, Cal, then she might go out later..” I replied, without even looking, I could sense he was worried,

  “But she’ll be back,” I added quickly, “so how about we get inside, get the house nice and warm for when she gets back?”

  “She’s always at work, what does she even do there?” he asked, “It must be fun because she always want to go there.”

  I sighed heavily,

  “Cal, you know Mum works doing customer service..” I began, before quickly adding, “I don’t think it’s fun at all.”

  He wrinkled his nose and looked at me, clearly puzzled by my answer, he couldn’t have known, I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant either, so I just said it meant she had to help people who had problems with things.

  “OK,” he answered, “anyway, can we have cheese toasties?”

  I sighed,

  “Again, Cal? We had them yesterday and the day before..”

  “Please can we?” he asked again, “They’re the best and we can eat them while we watch TV without making any mess.”

  I opened the front door and ushered him in,

  “OK, but only if you have your bath without moaning and hang up your uniform ready for tomorrow, deal?”

  “Another bath? I’m not even dirty since the last one,” he complained, I couldn’t help but smile at his response,

  “Yeah well, too bad, Cal, you’re not going to be stinky,” I laughed as I threw my school bag on the floor before carefully placing his house on the kitchen counter. Cal ran upstairs as I peeled off my damp school coat and switched on the heating, thankfully, Mum had finally got the boiler fixed so the house quickly warmed through as I went to my own bedroom. As I passed Cal’s door, I could see him sitting on the floor, playing wit
h his beloved cars. I quickly decided bath time could wait for an hour as suddenly I felt so tired after the day and just wanted a few moments peace. I slumped on to my bed and looked across at the discarded bag containing homework, I wanted to complete even less than making yet another toasted sandwich. I rested my head back on the pillow and wished, just once, I could come home and find my mother preparing dinner, as she asked about my day and then I’d hear her bathing Cal, before he went to bed. Once he was asleep, we could sit cuddled on the sofa and we would talk, really talk about everything because that’s what mothers do otherwise what’s the point in being one at all? I felt a huge lump in my throat and the sting of tears in my eyes, I sniffed loudly while forcing the sadness back down, I knew from experience, there was no reason to think about those mothers, ours wasn’t one of them and that’s just the way things had turned out. Thinking about her made me feel too many things which I didn’t want to allow into my head, but my disappointment in her was a constant, and I hoped, if nothing else, one day she would know and understand. Before I had much more time to think, Cal appeared in the doorway,

  “Can we eat now?” he asked, “I am so hungry I could eat a horse.”

  I wearily clambered off my bed,

  “Don’t let Uncle Jim hear you say that, you know how much he loves Pepper and the other horses.”

  Cal chuckled,

  “I am so hungry, I could eat them all and Uncle Jim!”

  I smiled and ruffled his hair,

  “Well, I don’t think they’d fit in the sandwich maker, so you’ll just have to extra cheese instead, okay?”,

  Cal nodded and skipped along the landing to the top of the stairs,

  “Er..Cal, I think you forgot something,” I said, pointing to the bathroom door, “Go on, in you go.”

  He scowled and stomped into the bathroom,

  “Stupid bath,” he muttered.

  Less than an hour later, we were on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, eagerly munching our second sandwich and watching cartoons. I felt Cal’s head rest heavily on my shoulder, so I put the plates down on the coffee table and gently took him up to bed. I tucked him up and switched off his light,

  “Don’t forget to leave my door open,” he mumbled sleepily.

  “I won’t Cal, sleep well,” I whispered.

  I padded back downstairs, quickly tidied the kitchen before going up to my own room. My bed looked so inviting but the omnipresent school bag reminded me of the homework, so reluctantly I sat at my desk and pulled out my laptop. When I was able to close it again, I checked the time, it was now past eleven and Mum still wasn’t home. As I snuggled under the bedcovers, despite all my anger with her, I couldn’t help but hope she was safe somewhere and would be home by the time we woke up. I don’t think I’d been asleep for long, when I head the muffled thud of a car door outside. I leaned over and peaked over the window sill, it was Mum and, as I watched her lock the door, I saw a figure amble up to her from the darkness, it was Uncle Jim. I couldn’t hear their conversation, but I could see her rest back on the car, as she listened to him. She laughed and playfully punched him on the arm, I could just hear her say,

  “You’re a fool, Jim.”

  He laughed too, things seemed so easy and relaxed between them, I couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t get together. I had even mentioned it to her once, but she had just shaken her head and said, almost solemnly,

  “We are just friends, I had more than enough from your Dad without going down that road again.”

  She didn’t mention our father, hardly ever, but whenever she did, I couldn’t help but notice almost a darkness crossed her face, so I’d always assumed his name brought back memories she didn’t want to revisit. At last, I heard her opening our front door while wishing Uncle Jim a good night, as always, she padded up the stairs and then shut her bedroom door. I wanted to go in there, I wanted to tell her about my day, about how Cal and me almost missed the bus, but instead I pulled the covers over my head and went to sleep.

  The next morning started early, like every other day, I could hear Mum making coffee downstairs and the faint sound of the radio playing in the kitchen. I quickly threw on my school uniform and raced down the stairs, there were so few moments with her, I didn’t want to miss even the slightest chance of us actually having a proper conversation. I was almost at the kitchen door, when Cal called out from his room,

  “Can you help me?”

  I paused, wondering if Mum would hear him, but when it quickly became clear she had no intention of answering, I went back up to his room. As I walked in, I couldn’t help but smile, he was fully dressed, but had somehow got his head stuck in his school sweater.

  “What are you doing in there?” I asked.

  “Trying to get out,” he answered breathlessly, I laughed as I tugged the stubborn jumper over his head and his little face appeared, flushed cheeks and panting for air.

  “I thought I would never get out,” he continued seriously, I ruffled his hair and told him to come downstairs with me and see Mum before she left for work. He took off past me like a greyhound, almost flying down the stairs to see her.

  By the time I reached the kitchen, Cal was munching his way through a huge bowl of cereal, between mouthfuls, he was talking to Mum. She was resting against the kitchen counter and watched him with a kind of vague amusement, as if she had no real idea what he was talking about. When he mentioned his dream house, I noticed her expression change to confusion, so I caught her eye and nodded towards the cardboard box,

  “I was wondering what this was all about,” she said, “It looks very impressive.”

  Cal beamed and a large drop of milk started to run down his chin,

  “Be careful, Cal,” I called, “You don’t want milk all down yourself before school.”

  I wiped his face and looked at her, wondering why it was me who cared but I quickly let that thought go, after all, it was so are to have the three of us in the same room, I had no intention of spoiling the moment. Cal explained all about his house and she listened carefully, I noticed a faint smile cross her lips, she slipped her hand around his small shoulders and pulled him closer. There were times when it seemed like she wanted to be a mother like I’d seen in movies, but she just couldn’t seem to sustain them for long. I looked up at the clock,

  “Come on Cal, finish up and then brush your teeth, we have to get going soon.”

  Cal’s happy face quickly turned into a frown,

  “Do I have to go to school today? I already learned a whole bunch of things and I’d rather stay home with Mum.”

  Mum laughed,

  “You have to go and learn more things, just like I have to go to work.”

  At first, Cal didn’t get off his chair, I sighed heavily, hoping against hope, this wasn’t going to be another morning where I had to drag him up the stairs and watch him clean his teeth. Mum must have seen my face as she gently tipped him off and sent him to get ready, as he left the room she called after him,

  “It’s the weekend soon, we can do something then.”

  I heard him cheer as he bumped up the stairs to the bathroom, when it felt like he was far enough away, I turned to her,

  “Do you mean that?” I asked quietly, “because don’t say it, if you don’t.”

  Mum’s face changed, her usually soft blue eyes, turning to an almost icy glare,

  “I don’t need criticism from you, young lady, I work all the hours God sends to keep this place going, what do you do?”

  I glared back, that ball of rage I carried inside me was in imminent danger of erupting, I could feel it, I could feel every last electrical impulse in my body twitching wildly, I wanted to scream back at her, but I didn’t, quiet words came out instead.

  “It’s just he will look forward to being with you, that’s all I meant,”

  There was an awkward silence between us, as if she could see that rage inside me and was daring me to set it free, she turned away and picked up her handbag.

&n
bsp; “I said I will be here at the weekend, okay?” she said before adding, “unless something comes up.”

  Those last four words were like a punch in the guts, in other words, the chances were somewhere between nil and nowhere of any family time, just like every other weekend. Without even looking back at me, she walked to the back door, pausing only to call out a goodbye to Cal before leaving the house. I heard him call back,

  “I love you Mummy,” but I don’t think she heard, as the roar of the car engine outside might well have drowned out his voice. I quickly washed up the breakfast dishes, made us both some lunch from school and then raced up to get my school bag. Luckily Cal was already organised and so it didn’t take long for us to be on our way to the bus stop. The rain from last night had long stopped, the sun seemed a bit hazy but I could still feel its warmth on my face as we walked down the lane. We had just reached the corner by the high hedge, when Uncle Jim appeared at the gate,

  “Morning you two,” he called cheerily, “Have a good day.”

  “We will,” Cal replied, “Give my love to Pepper and the horses.”

  Uncle Jim waved his battered hat and disappeared back into the field, as Cal skipped ahead of me, I thought back to last night, when I’d watched Mum from my window. Uncle Jim obviously really cared about us all, he made a real effort to be there for us, even just to say good morning and wish us a good day. I wished she would be more appreciative, I wished she wouldn’t see him as just a friend because I no doubt at all, he would be a great Dad. My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Cal yelling about the bus coming, so I raced down the remainder of the lane to join him.